Masturbation and love

Have you ever met someone you thought you might have a chance with, but arent sure enough yet to say anything? This happens to me often. I mean often like everyday, since i’m relatively shy and don’t feel like stepping up to get a number or name or anything really. i would rather be approached. I believe my energy will draw you to me as if under a spell or something. I know i’m weird but stay with me. After seeing/Lusting after these people i have a chance with i might go home and masturbate about them, relieving all of my coulda shoulda woulda’s in an explosion of self pleasure. But sometimes it just so happens that the person i have been fantasizing about has been in fact looking at me also. Then we start dating or fucking or whatever the case maybe, and all of a sudden it changes. I cant pleasure myself to the thoughts of them anymore because i have already had it,  i know what its like so its not the same excitement as it was when i didn’t know and had to imagine every detail. which then in turn, turns me off of them sexually and eventually we become friends/exes or whatever you wanna call it.  But not this time….. No this time… different. 

You see i have met someone….and i have to say that for one…. He has the best sex by far of anyone i have ever made love too. I can honestly tell you not only do i touch myself, but i can almost FEEL the sex. Its mind boggling and amazing. When we’re together its the exact same feeling. No passions lost, No regrets, No complaints. Not only is the sex amazing but we are great friends and i think we will be great friends past our sex, if we ever get past our sex. Sometimes i think i’m in Love.  I don’t mean that sort of topical love that you say to your friends and really mean but don’t have a problem letting go of. Not Websters’ version of it though i think their updated definition is pretty good. I mean the sort of love that is predestined and uncontrollable. The sort of love that makes you not able to keep your hands to yourself. The kind that forces you to spend days on end with each other, not realizing the time or anyone outside of your space. Unconditional and unfathomable. Sometimes i think i have this. And i think that is what fuels my passion filled self sex sessions that feel almost as good as the real thing. 

I’m not in a relationship, nor am i seeking to be. For the first time in my life i am simply enjoying what has come to me with no regrets and nothing to improve upon. And for the first time in my life i can truly say, i’m Happy. I’m so Happy that the small problems don’t matter as much as they once did. I have quit smoking cigarettes, not to mention the spike in my imagination that is giving me my entire life on the creative front. I have finally found an inkling of the peace i have been pursuing for the past 26 years. knowing what this feels like is what i needed to live.  Who would have thought that a simple fap session would bring me to such a gloriously outstanding outlook…… you never know where the light is until you open your eyes.


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